Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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