He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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