Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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