His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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