He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He passed out mid-signature
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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