I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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