Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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