I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
