Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
