yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i dont even know how to be here
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
