my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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