I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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