i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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