I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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