i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
