Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
