You're so nebulous sometimes
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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