what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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