I'm gonna have a badass scar
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
