i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
