; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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