you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
