Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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