So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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