Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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