if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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