white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
