true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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