p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
