After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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