two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
