I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
