hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
