you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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