I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
