The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
