I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
