whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
