Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
