Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
