Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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