The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
