That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
