i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
