My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
