theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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