I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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