I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
