Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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