I will die if light touches me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
